I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
