Taylor Swift is so right about you.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
