i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
