I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize