you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Enjoy the penises
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
