I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
