last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
