I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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