update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
