Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
