He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
