3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
In America we eat man semen.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
