I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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