how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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