wat bout pragnant strippers??
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
