im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
