I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
