I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Houston, we have a blender
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
