Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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