You're earring is so big in my mouth
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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