I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
