the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
