ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
