Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
