Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
