Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
