she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
