so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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