how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
