I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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