hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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