I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
