I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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