He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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