He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
