I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
