I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
