MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The power of my boobs compel you
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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