Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize