the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
