When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
