You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
as a side note pls kill me
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
