You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
