i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize