the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
