remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
