can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
