dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
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Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
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Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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