I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
