at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
