this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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