No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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