I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
No subtext here. People are naked.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
