Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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