Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
