remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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