dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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