I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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