You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
