every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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