i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
