I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
