It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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