why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
