brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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