I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
