so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize