So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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