Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
