Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
