I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
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Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
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I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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