I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
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Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
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He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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