I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my being single is dangerous.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
