So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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