My room smells like vodka and shame
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
