The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
