When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize