Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
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He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
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if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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