Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
